That's me. Fearless, non-prejudiced, champion against "the man". My only weakness: Mayonnaise. Uhhhhhhhkkkkk. The worst slimy invention ever brought to the storeshelves. It's like I'm the vampire and the only way to keep me out of your house at night is to slather the walls with it. Or better yet move next door to Best Foods mayo plant. I despise it, as it does me. We are bitter enemies. It is always trying make its way onto my lunch, and I'm perennially scraping it from my bun.

My lunch order: "Whatever you got, hold the Mayo. What's in that secret sauce? Mayo? Hold the secret sauce!"

My defenses against it: Research the secret sauce. A butter or plastic knife, (in emergencies and calling card or some type of throwaway credit card type of straight edge). Tabasco Sauce. Abstinence/Avoidance.

Tips to avoid the "Blind Mayo": Blind Mayo is the type of Mayo in Salads or foods that acts a waxy buffer to keep a clumpable consistency. Examples- Cold Macaroni Salad (KFC, Buffet/Salad/Smorgasboard) Ranch & Thousand Island Dressing, Potato Salad, other Fast Food Specialty "Secret Sauces".

Social acceptance to my Anti-Mayo standpoint, is few. My fanily and friends all love it. Many wonder how my body lives without it. I have but one defense:

"Mayo is one of the few condiments that needs no refrigeration. It will not go bad if stored at room temperature. Seriously! It can last months on the counter. Once it hits oxygen, the mere smell of hour or seconds old mayonnaise will curl my nostril hairs" Wierd wierd wierd. Gross gross gross!